The more I look at my writer's block, the more I realize it might not just be a product of mood or surroundings. I realize that I really am not an expert, or even close, in anything. There is just nothing that I am really qualified to write about. My confidence is waning. I will be 24 next year...and I am terrified. Mid twenties and I haven't traveled, haven't decided about school, haven't lived anyplace else. Have practically forgotten spanish, written only one poem within the span of a year, still work part time at the same coffee shop.
I am so afraid. I have this amazing man in my life...the most caring, gentle person I've ever met. I'd do anything not to lose him, he is the one. Yet how do these people balance a relationship and being able to go out into the world? I am just frustrated by this "stuck" feeling...and there is no blame on his side. He has told me so many times that he wants and needs me to do what is best for me, to follow my passions. We have a vague plan of going on a trip a year from now, but I worry that if money doesn't work out, I'll be so disappointed I won't even be able to handle it. Another winter, here. I don't know what I'll do.
I am afraid, so afraid.
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